I've known I've been overweight for some time. Have tried multiple diets and have also tried lap band surgery. All have failed. I have considered Overeasters Anonymous and Gastric Bypass, but I think that it's more an issue related to depression. Oh, I've tried counseling also. But, for some reason I can never get to the bottom of the issue. Always get derailed onto some other issue. Along time ago I did Hypnosis and that worked for awhile, like all the other attempts, but at some point I revert to my bad behaviors.
I feel physically limited because of the weight. I know it's affected multiple parts of my life from my physical being, to my emotional being. And...there's always someone that makes a comment that hurts more than you could imagine. They say they didn't mean to, but I'm a firm believer in Freudian slips. The last one was horrendous. It has had such an impact on my self esteem, it's unbelievable. I can't quite decide if it was intentional or not though. That's what bothers me the most.
You see, this person and I have been friends for years and years, and comments have been made that I need to lose weight; that they're concerned for me and that they want me in their life for a long time. I suspect that I second guess the "unintentional" part of the comment because I know how this particular person has managed other situations where they can't seem to control other so called friends. In most cases this person will just find reasons not to be friends with someone they cannot control. Write them off because "they can't help them any more". My heart tells me that this is exactly what happened in my situation.
So, I am now pondering if I would be better off letting the relationship go and not have the constant feeling of failure over me that I do when I am with this person. Maybe letting go will be a reason to start taking care of myself more and not feeling like a failure all the time. Even when I'm not with the person, I hear "the voice" telling me that I'm a failure. If I remove "the voice" maybe I can feel better about me.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Life
So, I decided to create a blog today. Gotta keep up with peeps you know!
Life is funny! Once you start thinking about life, it's already in motion. Stuff you did when you were younger has already had an influence on today. Where you were raised, the games you played, where you went to school, what religion you were raised in, your first job.....it all makes a difference in your perspective about things.
Thinking back, there were some pivotal points in my life. Being raised in a small town where a significant part of the population was related to me was a big thing. I could never get away with anything! Always had cousins in the class I was in, the class above me and the class below me. Since I lived a little further from school than the other cousins, they would always beat me home and tell their parents what went on and inevitably my mom would be waiting for me when I got home with a look that just said, YOU ARE IN SOOOOO MUCH TROUBLE! My side didn't matter because the "cousins" had spoken!
As I grew up, I couldn't wait to get out of that town! Yup! I was going to escape and I didn't care if I had to join the circus to do it. Well, I didn't join the circus, but I did get married at an early age. Kind of like the circus, just a little more acceptable way of life. Don't get me wrong.....marriage brought some good things to my life, especially my children. But, there were those "freaky" side shows that went with it also. As I said, it all makes us who we are.
At some point you start thinking about making a plan about life. When this thought occurs to you, it's almost too late. You've already started working. You've already committed to be with another person. You already have kids. You have way too many bills and too many obligations.
Some how your mind drifts back to your younger days and you think about your friends and all the fun you had. Friends? What is a friend? Who are your friends? Now that's an interesting thought for another day!
Life is funny! Once you start thinking about life, it's already in motion. Stuff you did when you were younger has already had an influence on today. Where you were raised, the games you played, where you went to school, what religion you were raised in, your first job.....it all makes a difference in your perspective about things.
Thinking back, there were some pivotal points in my life. Being raised in a small town where a significant part of the population was related to me was a big thing. I could never get away with anything! Always had cousins in the class I was in, the class above me and the class below me. Since I lived a little further from school than the other cousins, they would always beat me home and tell their parents what went on and inevitably my mom would be waiting for me when I got home with a look that just said, YOU ARE IN SOOOOO MUCH TROUBLE! My side didn't matter because the "cousins" had spoken!
As I grew up, I couldn't wait to get out of that town! Yup! I was going to escape and I didn't care if I had to join the circus to do it. Well, I didn't join the circus, but I did get married at an early age. Kind of like the circus, just a little more acceptable way of life. Don't get me wrong.....marriage brought some good things to my life, especially my children. But, there were those "freaky" side shows that went with it also. As I said, it all makes us who we are.
At some point you start thinking about making a plan about life. When this thought occurs to you, it's almost too late. You've already started working. You've already committed to be with another person. You already have kids. You have way too many bills and too many obligations.
Some how your mind drifts back to your younger days and you think about your friends and all the fun you had. Friends? What is a friend? Who are your friends? Now that's an interesting thought for another day!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)